do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
