i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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