the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love accidental penises.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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