Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
