I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Less talking, more tequila
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
