He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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