I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
