i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
