My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
