Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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