Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize