Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
