okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
