Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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