There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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