We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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