you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
