when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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