Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
