Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
