Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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