i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
