u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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