dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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