Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
