I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
