i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
