The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
