Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
