Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
