new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize