first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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