I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
