community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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