I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
