Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
