it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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