WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
