i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
