thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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