i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You don't make any sense
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