Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
