The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize