I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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