the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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