she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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