she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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