Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
