He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
