we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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