4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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