Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
