He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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