All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
