I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found a bag of teeth...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
