I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
