It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
