Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
