I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
