This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
