In the future we'll all be gay
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
