I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize