Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
