He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
