I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
