I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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