So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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