i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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