mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
