Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
