Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
