Kiss
Puke
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
