I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just invented taco cereal.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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