You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
