you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
