I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
