i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
